


soobin's delivery service

by galaxy_within



Series: dorms of bangtan [1]
Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Adorable Choi Soobin, Choi Soobin-Centric, Comedy, Crack, Gay Panic, Gen, Jung Hoseok | J-Hope is Whipped, Kim Namjoon | RM is a Dork, Mentioned GOT7 Ensemble, Mentioned Hwang Hyunjin, Mentioned Yeontan (BTS), Platonic Relationships, This Is STUPID
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:07:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27128326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galaxy_within/pseuds/galaxy_within
Summary: soobin is a kind person, but what the fuck goes on in bangtan dorms?based off soobin taking bts their awards for dynamite from music bank.this is crack.soob is struggling.
Series: dorms of bangtan [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2170935
Comments: 8
Kudos: 54





	soobin's delivery service

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to my first cringy oneshot on ao3.  
> enjoy?

soobin hadn't planned on it. he never dreamed that he would become what he had. 

a fucking delivery boy. 

not one of those go-happy delivery boys from 99' running around, singing sappy showtunes and dancing in the streets in the middle of the fucking rain. soobin was the confused, panicked, and less showtuney type of delivery boy. and he was headed straight for the funniest, most random pit of hell aka the bangtan dorms. 

so yes, hell. 

the bts dorms aren't terrible. just really, really chaotic. 

soobin knew what it was like.

one year ago he entered hell for the first time. 

~march, one year ago~ 

five boys walk down a gravel driveway. soobin swears that he is this close to running back down said driveway and yeeting himself into the streets (which, much to his displeasure, are painfully void of all speeding cars at the moment.) 

he wants to die. 

he is meeting his seniors. 

without the managers. 

for the first time ever.

the boys make their way closer to the door and begin to hear small sounds. nothing major just a heavy drumming noise and a few annoyed shouts. the suddenly door opens. all five boy immediately begin blushing, for there, in all of his glory, stands kim namjoon. 

wearing only boxers. 

soobins internal gay panic suddenly finds itself clawing out of his heart and right out of his mouth. he tries to keep his mind to itself but soobin is a nothing but a simple man and, damn, kim namjoon has got some nice thighs.

"you're so hot, it's unfair really." 

namjoon laughs and soobin finds himself screaming (on the inside) and blushing like a schoolgirl (on the outside.)

"2.5 seconds in and you're already whipped, i think that's a new record." 

soobin makes a mental note (oh, what is he kidding, he makes a fucking calendar) to slap yeonjun later introductions are made, and namjoon leads the boys deeper into hell.

of freaking course no one is wearing pants. 

are they trying to kill him? 

when the fuck did yoongi get so hot? how is soobin not supposed to freak out when the kim seokjin is just sitting there, looking way too good to be real? what the hell is bang pd putting in their water and where can he get some. the five boys stand awkwardly, waiting to be judged. 

it never happens. 

what happens instead completely confuses the group. 

"happy bangtan welcome" screams the seven "older" musicians, before they all run into their bedrooms only to return approximately three minutes later fully clothed. (soobin decides to silently take the "big L" on that matter.) jungkook pulls a blushing taehyun onto a small couch and the two quickly begin discussing the pros and cons of banana milk. yeonjun and huening kai are dragged into the kitchen by an over enthusiastic hoseok where he and jimin begin conducting a rather intense game of tic tac toe. beomgyu finds himself sitting beside yoongi and taehyung rambling about everything from world peace all the way to stray topics such as: "the most underappreciated jazz musician of the greater 19th century" the 12 spend an hour like that: vibing, enjoying eachothers company.

to be completely honest, soobin is still slightly terrified.  
he is sitting on a overpriced couch in between kim namjoon and kim seokjin.... 

and they're crying. 

they aren't crying for no reason or because they had some type of sad, deep conversation, it's much more complex than that.

they are crying over a deer. 

a fucking deer.

soobin makes it his only goal in life to hunt down whoever had the audacity to make bambi so damn sad. those insensitive beings made two perfect humans cry and they deserve to be sued or something. in the middle of soobin's bruting a scream is heard. hoseok runs out of the kitchen, an angry jimin on his tail. yeonjun and huening kai walk out behind them, leaning on eachother, laughing uncontrollably. 

"you didn't have to do that!" jimin yells 

"yes i did, it was very necessary, chim!!" 

"i will end you jung hoseok!" 

hoseok screams as he is pushed to the ground and promptly attacked by the small human. everyone is extremely confused, except for the two four who stumbled out of the kitchen to begin with. 

"yeonjun, if you don't mind me asking, why is jimin beating the shit out of seok?" 

yeonjun doesn't respond and instead dramatically falls to the floor beside hyuka as the two continue to die.

"this bitch just poured out my tea!!" jimin screams

"so, that's all?" yoongi askes, as he stifles giggles in his sweater paws. 

"yeah!" huening kai whispers from his place on the ground before he breaks into laughter once again. 

jimin suddenly gets off the ground, where he had been attempting to strangle hoseok, and shoots yeonjun a look. they both break into similar mischievous smiles. jimin kicks hoseok and pulls him off the ground before whispering something into his ear. yeonjun follows suit does the same to hyuka. the four turn to face the others with the same grin on their faces, the tea incident seemingly forgotten

"wanna play kai bai bo or die?" jimin asks, his face surprisingly calm even after attempting to strangling his best friend. 

"or die? do you wanna kill us!?" beomgyu yells before blushing like a teenage boy in victorian times after seeing a scandalous ankle. 

"wait, no" 

hoseok quickly takes over the explanation before jimin ruins the group's chances of forcing the others to play.

"it's like regular rock paper scissors, but if you loose you have to play truth or dare with the winner" 

"we haven't exactly played it before," jimin interrupts "but do you guys want to?" 

"it'll be so fun!" taehyung screeches (yes, he screeches) from his seat behind yoongi, who sits on the ground as both taehyung and beomgyu attempt to pull his hair up with a random assortment of colorful hairclips that they stole from jungkook a while ago. 

"i mean, i guess?" taehyun says before attempting to beat jungkook in the game the two had been playing was playing. 

jimin, hyuka, hoseok, and yeonjun run around the room and pull the others onto the ground around namjoon's annoyingly expensive table. the first round: jungkook against seokjin. jungkook wins and, jin picks dare.  
after seokjin posts a picture of his feet to twitter (which blows up rather quickly) the game continues.  
yeonjun admits to being deeply in love with hoseok.  
yoongi does the wap.  
beomgyu calls his friend hyunjin and tells him that he has been "lookin' extra sexy lately"  
jungkook reads a rm × y/n smut oneshot.  
yeonjun misses his eyebrows. 

~present time~ 

after soobin gets out of the van he feels a sudden urge of fear (and excitement) it's his first time visiting the bts dorm by himself. it's thrilling. he walks up to the door and knocks once, twice. the door is pulled open by a tired looking yoongi. soobin quickly decides that sleepy yoongi is extremely adorable in his light pink sweater, grey pajama pants and black, cat eared beanie. taehyung runs out of the house and attempts to pick soobin up in a hug. 

it doesn't go to well.

he grabs soobin and the award he came to deliver and pulls them into the house. he throws the award onto a small pile of blankets that are scattered around the couch (which pains soobin internally "how can you just throw it? show a little remorse kim taehyung!!!") taehyung leads him into the kitchen randomly turning back to the younger to give him cute peace signs or to occasionally shoot him with overconfident finger guns.  
as the two approach a loud crash is heard. they quicken their pace and mentally prepare for the worse. 

what they find instead is one of soobin's greatest moments in life:  
in the middle of the kitchen stands two men in identical pink aprons holding a pan of burnt cookies.  
in the corner of the room are three men. one is laughing his ass off while the other two look as if they are thoroughly preparing to commit an act of double homicide. namjoon quickly throws the pan of burnt cookies on the ground (as he does seokjin physically cringes and yeontan suddenly leaps out from his place under the table to "assist" in the cleaning job.) joon pulls himself up in a impromptu soluite and waves enthusiastically at the other leader. 

"oh, hi?" he says with an obvious blush. 

"6,879 word, slow burn, mutual pinning, friends to lovers au." is muttered from a smug looking yoongi. 

"ew!" namjoon yells as he shots a look at the elder. 

"do i take offense..... or do i not take offense... or do i just run?" soobin questions

"'ew,' as in you are litterly my son!" soobin laughs (it's a one-sided father son relationship soobin will continue to admire his "fathers" thighs. no one can stop him!)

"okay, dad?" he continues to question the other. 

iq 148 my ass.

"add a 'd-y' to that and you are completely correct." hoseok squeks with a raised eyebrow from the corner. 

"i- whatever." namjoon glares at the other before turning back to soobin. 

"so, wanna stay for dinner?" jimin suddenly asks with obvious curiosity. 

"uhm, no i have...." he clears his throat before thinking of an excuse ".... hot yoga classes." he smiles convincingly. in all reality he loves the members, but he fears for his life........slightly.

"aww!!!! c'mon stay here!" an unknown voice shouts from the kitchen doorway. 

soobin, like any normal person, turns towards the voice preparing to fight. 

there seven men stand in matching bear onsies.  
park jinyoung, im jaebeom, mark tuan, choi youngjae, kim yugyeom, jackson wang, and bam-bam

does soobin run out the back door and all the way to his dorm.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.

yes, yes he does.

**Author's Note:**

> leave comments please <3  
> who do you bias in each groups?  
> (mine are yoongi, hoseok, & hyuka)  
> thanks for reading my terrible fic !!


End file.
